Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Busy Fun Weekend!

Saturday was Spent at Swiss days with Michelle, Brigham, Dean and Jared!
Sunday I taught with the wonderful beautiful Alli for the last time.
This is most of our awesome class

Monday was spent in my home town.  Jared, Hyrum and I went canoeing and Paul and Bryan went for wheeling with my dad and Paula! What a fun weekend!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

gone hiking.

 We went on a super fun spontaneous hike today up in the Uintas.  3 miles and the boys did awesome! Brad even caught 2 fish!
And. ... I am really loving the new collage app on my phone!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

4th of July

Today started out with a super fun 5k! Hyrum was excited and nervous because it was his first.  I wanted to run with him but he insisted I did my best.  We started out fast, but it seemed natural considering we live on the top of a mountain and all our runs start off with a big, fast downhill.  I tried keeping my pace fast.  It was difficult.  I hadn't slept much in the last four days as images of my cousin Chase, who died suddenly the Sunday before, slide showed in my head all night, every night since.
 I kept going and kept pushing.  The last post Chase had posted was a discount code for a superhero 5k for cancer.  I don't think Chase was a runner, so it was an unusual post. .. I thought of my mom.  I cancer superhero.  I thought of her perseverance and strength.  I thought of Chase, wondering about the demons he had faced in his life and how he probably had fought with them for too long.  I really have no clue what Chase faced and why he chose what he did.  But I find hope that whatever he was facing, he is free from and the Savior is there to help him sort things out. Thinking of Superheros. .. That is where I got the strength to finish my race strong. I finished with a time of 24:03. My fastest time since Cross County.  My back was totally killing me, but still once I finished I wanted to go back and finish with Hyrum.  
I found Hyrum a ways back, and was so excited to see him still running and happy! One of the first things he told me was,  "See that runner up there in the black? He was walking during the race and as I passed him, I encouraged him to keep going.  I told him 'You can do it!' And he stayed running again!" Well, my sweet Hyrum finished with an amazing time of 33:19, getting second place, and that boy in black getting first.  I pointed that out to Hyrum, trying to hide the competitiveness in my tone, and Hyrum said, "I know! I am so happy for him!"
 I got second place in my age group and fourth overall women's.  And then iced my back of and on the rest of the weekend.

By five that evening I was ready to do sometime besides icing my back.  We went to the festival which was just starting to close things down. We did get in this ride. 

I have only been to one Rodeo ever, so this was a second for me. It was perfect! It was the best way to spend the fourth of July! I don't know how many Patriots are left in this county, but I am one of them.  Deep in my heart my love for this country pulses in my blood.  I get emotional during the National Anthem.  I say the pledge of alligense with pride and conviction.  And watching the beauty Queens of the Rodeo on their horses with flags raised high as they trot around to the song "I'm proud to be an American," I tell you, it gets to me.  We loved the Rodeo.  We loved watching our friends, the Deardens, ride the steer, barrel race and sing the anthem.  The boys loved the chicken chase. 


We have been told that this is the place to be the night of the fourth. Experiencing it first hand was INSANE.  I have never seen so many fireworks. .. Ever.  The constant rumble and screams and booms were awesome!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Just One Friend

Hyrum came and sat on my bed two nights ago.  He had a rather solemn expression, almost reverent, and also an added twinkle in his eye. Hyrum then says to me, "Mom, ever since we moved here I have prayed everyday for a friend.  Just one friend."
My heart ached for him...
He continued, "I didn't realize that I had one.  Right here.  It's Jared."  Hyrum smiled and I smiled back, encouraging him to continue.
"I hurt my toe just a few minutes ago and Jared kissed it.  It really felt better!  It was warm..."  Then I could see the wheels just churning in my sweet Hyrum's head.  "I think that since Jared is only two and he was with God not too long ago, he must still have some of his powers from being in heaven with him."  He then smiled one more time to himself and ran off to play more with his new best friend :)

I am so grateful that my boys do love each other and play together.  Those wonderful moments when they are all engaged in a project like building the coolest train track ever or a village out of legos.  Paper airplanes have been a hit lately and hot chocolate and banana splits always bring togetherness.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

forgiving yourself.

Forgiving yourself.  It's more important than I ever thought.



Forgiveness is real and beautiful.  I testify of that.  It comes in many shapes and sizes.  Sins are great and small.  Forgiveness can come from others, or the Lord and ourselves.  Forgiveness builds bridges, frees us from sin and helps us move on from labels that once knocked us down.  Forgiveness allows change and hope.  Sinfulness brings suffering and pain, but the Lord’s forgiveness brings relief, comfort and joy.



For the Lords forgiveness we must:
Have faith on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
Sorrow for your sin.
Confession.
Abandonment of Sin.
Restitution.
Righteous living.
We must also forgive others
Jesus Christ suffered the penalty for your sins so you can be forgiven if you sincerely repent.  As you repent and rely on His saving grace, you will be cleansed from sin.

Many have asked 1) How do I know when I am forgiven of my sins? and (2) If I am forgiven, why do I still feel guilt?

When asked those questions, Tad R. Callister of the seventy usually responded by saying, “If you feel the Spirit—when you pray, read the scriptures, teach, testify, or at any other time—then that is your witness that you have been forgiven or, alternatively, that the cleansing process is taking place, for the Spirit cannot dwell in an unholy tabernacle” (see Alma 7:21). In most cases the cleansing process takes time because our change of heart takes time, but in the interim, we can proceed with the confidence that God approves of our progress as manifested by the presence of His Spirit. That is the miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

The Lord declared the comprehensive cleansing power of the Atonement when He said, “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18).

The time will come when those who repent will no longer be troubled by their sins. Such was the case with Enos, whose “guilt was swept away” (Enos 1:6), and the converted Lamanites, who witnessed that the Lord had “taken away the guilt from our hearts” (Alma 24:10), and with Alma, who exclaimed, “I could remember my pains no more” (Alma 36:19; emphasis added). No doubt all of them remembered their sins, but somehow they were no longer troubled by them. The infinite powers of the Atonement miraculously healed every wound and soothed every conscience with “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

As we repent, we become a different person than we were. We can be comforted by the truth that God will ultimately judge us by what we have become, not by what we were.

The Apostle Paul gave some constructive counsel to all of us who have sinned but are striving to repent. He said we should be “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before” (Philippians 3:13). In other words, we should put the past behind us and press forward, trusting in God’s redeeming power. Such an effort on our part is a demonstration of faith. Further, Paul counseled, “Happy is he that condemneth not himself” (Romans 14:22).

The promise is certain—if we do our best to repent, we will be cleansed of our sins and our guilt will eventually be swept away.

Along the newly constructed Murdock Canal trail that runs through Utah County, there is some graffiti that states:
“the longer we dwell on our misfortunes the greater there power to harm us”
Lets substitute the word misfourtune for transgressions:
The longer we dwell on our transgressions the greater their power to harm us.

Obsessing over our transgressions will become who we are in our minds and then in our actions.

Without doubt, Satan uses this refusal to forgive ourselves as a means of enslaving us by turning past sins into addictions.
Satan tempts others to judge themselves harshly and to believe they don’t deserve to be forgiven, even when the Lord is willing to forgive them. Such individuals continue to dwell on their transgressions and mistakes, remembering the details and thus increasing the danger of repeating them. According to President Boyd K. Packer, “Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior.”

Self-condemnation tends to lead to discouragement which then can lead to addictions. A discouraged individual will be tempted to stop trying or to seek solace in more sin. In contrast, the Savior beckons us forward with the promise that we can become free from the chains of sin as we fully repent and forgive ourselves.

Those who refuse to forgive themselves thus bear a double burden of sin, for not only do they carry the sin itself, but they also add to it the sin of self-condemnation and refusing to forgive. Indeed, refusal to forgive is cited in the scriptures as “the greater sin” (D&C 64:9).


When we turn to our Savior, He can heal us not only of the sin but also of the self-recrimination and the constant mental replaying of our sins or obsessing over them. We must keep sin in its proper perspective. Satan would convince us that we are defined by our sins. We must turn the sins and the guilt over to the Savior in a process of complete repentance. For serious sins we will need the help of a bishop to complete our repentance. We then must let the Savior judge whether we or He must make final payment for the sin. Finally, we will need the Savior’s help to feel self-acceptance rather than self-contempt.

With the Lord’s help, we will experience a change in how we see ourselves.
To receive His help, we need to ask for it. And we need to be willing, given all our mortal limitations and weaknesses, to do all that we can do

“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10; emphasis added). This includes forgiving ourselves.
I have heard a hundred time the saying forgive and forget…
Forgetting is part of forgiving. But forgiving oneself involves a special kind of forgetting. We don’t forget the sin and its effects; rather, the memory ceases to be part of how we see ourselves. For example, when Alma had been forgiven of his sins, he said, “I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more” (Alma 36:19). The fact that he could describe his repentance to his son Helaman showed that a memory was still there. But through Christ’s Atonement and forgiveness, that memory lost its edge of guilt and self-recrimination.

When we sin or make mistakes, our Heavenly Father wants us to quickly resume our journey home with a new and even stronger grip on the iron rod. The repentance of Alma the Younger illustrates this principle of moving on. A “wicked and an idolatrous man” (Mosiah 27:8), he was brought to a realization of his sins, repented, and experienced a mighty change of heart (see Mosiah 27:11–37). He chose to take the strait and narrow path, filling his mind and his life with good works rather than remaining at the side of the road worrying about his past transgressions. He didn’t have time for that. And neither do we.

Can you imagine if Alma the Younger or the sons of Mosiah didn’t forgive themselves for their iniquities?  Could they have been the missionaries they were and leaders they were if they were still captive to the sins they committed?  These are heros of mine for the very reason that they changed and moved on!  They repented!  They became something!  They accomplished, they loved, they served, they were connected to the gospel and its teachings!  They made a huge difference in the world, even to this very day where we read about them!

 These thoughts and feelings make me question myself and maybe you could think about yourself as well.  Are there sins we haven’t forgiven ourselves for that are holding us back from our potential as sons and daughters of God?

Spencer W. Kimball says in his book Miracle of Forgiveness that “Man is the supreme creation, made in the image and similitude of God and his son Jesus Christ; that man is the offspring of God; that for man, and man alone, was the earth created, organized, planted and made ready for human habitation; and that, having within him the seeds of godhood and thus being a god in embryo, man has unlimited potential for progress and attainment."

You have unlimited potential for progress and attainment.

You are a Child of God.  You have worth.  You have a mission. You are loved.  Your brother, even Jesus Christ, suffered for you and died for you so you can repent and live.

I have a testimony of this.  I have a testimony that this is the restored gospel.  I know God lives.  I know of his mercy and cleansing powers.  I have felt them in my own life and I do testify that Happy is he that condemneth not himself.  And although it may take time, the freedom that comes from forgiveness from the Lord and forgiving yourself will help you fulfill the purpose you were sent here to do.

...I was asked to speak on this topic  in sacrament meeting quite a few months ago.  I researched many scriptures and talks found on lds.org.  I apologize I didn't give direct references from specific quotes. Much of this talk is direct quotes that rang true. I am simply recording this on my blog for my own reference so I can re read it when I doubt myself or get discouraged, which happens all to often...

Sunday, May 4, 2014

I'll Take It. I LOVE IT! I LiVE IT!

The snarls in my hair
the dust in my eyes
The jar of a speed bump
the grit in my teeth
I'll take it. I love it.

The smell of the pines
the warmth of the engine.
The fishtail on loose gravel
the dip and splash crossing a river.
I'll take it. I love it.

The roar and rumble
through dips in the trail
The mud and the bugs
the snow and high center
I'll take it. I love it.

The cool canyon wind
the distant camp fires
The smiles and nods
then the clouds of dust
I'll take it. I love it.

The freedom.  The love.
The living. The wonder.
The peace. The calm.
Our spirits alive.
I'll take it. I love it.

Brad up in front
and me in the back.
My hands squished and warm
in his back pockets.
I'll take it. I love it.

He breathes in so deep
we both take it in.
The beauty found here
is heaven so clear.
I'll take it. I love it.

Although only a few hours,
up in the mountains.
Our souls content.
Our lives renewed.
I'll take it. Man, I sure love it.


 C'mon baby, let me take you on a night ride.

One of the best days of my life! Terrific temple trip! Loving the sunshine on a blanket in the grass and at the beach. Suntans. Lake water.  Tree swings.  Walks along the dike. Talking about dreams and adventure with Maegan.  Kids lost in their small world adventures.  Sand castles.  Moat.   Rocks and rivers.  Watermelon.  And my own time with Brad! Up Willard peak we feel so free. Free to be.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

When happiness falls onto our laps

Today was one of those days! It was just perfect! Heavenly Father had blessed us so much and today was a day that everything just kept getting better!

We started out the day at the dentist.  We hear to Utah and see my cousins husband.  He is amazing with the kids! And it is fun to catch up on family and share hunting stories! Well the verdict was... NO CAVITIES!!!! Amazing!

We then went to my grandma Wilson's house and she was friendly! We just talked outside and enjoyed the weather!

We also stopped by Macey's and saw my aunt Annette real quick.  Just for a quick hug and Hello! We also stopped by Natalie Larsen's for the same reason! Hugs and Hello have become so special for me!

We then went to Carolyn's house and Robyn came over and all their wonderful kids! Hyrum and Paul ran over and grabbed Kendra and Abby and off we went to the park! Walking my old streets, seeing so many friends giving hugs and saying hello every few houses.  Andrea, Hailey, Devin, Nikki, Paige... And later Brian, Tanya, Michael, Leudys and Paul.  I am so blessed that so many neighbors and friends welcome me back into their arms and make me feel so much a part of their hearts!




My kids were so happy to be with friends! They played just like old times! Never a dull moment, lots of laughing and imagination! There was a space of time when we dominated the street we used to live on.  Carolyn lived in the house next door, Robinsons were across the street and Robyn would bring her kids and sit on my front step while we watched the kids go up and down the dead end Street, bouncing from yard to yard. Exploring. Imagining. Balancing. Giggling. Chasing.  Rescuing. Learning. Biking.  Sliding. You name it.  They really lived it up! I, too, loved every minute with Robyn, Carolyn, and sometimes Tanya. It was some of the best, carefree, enjoyable moments of my life!

We went to Maegan's home after dinner at the Smith's. The kids had an absolute blast there while Paul had some fun at Rivka's! What a FUN DAY!