When The Thunder Rolls

We had such a fun beautiful night! We chatted away with friends and neighbors till the storm clouds got so close and the rain started pelting us.  Hyrum had already gone in to make us cookie dough, so it was waiting for us when we got inside.  And so was this amazing double rainbow {shown above}! Lightening started just as I was taking pictures.  The thunder was loud and rumbly. The lightening bolted across the sky.  The boys all ran up for their pillows and blankets and we snuggled all together as a family in front of the sliding glass doors that overlook a stretch of valley. Two hours we lay watching and listening amazed at the power of nature. I loved the comments and expressions of the boys!  Jared was always so worried about missing lightening bolts and flashes and if he looked away, he always asked, very concerned, "Did I miss one?!" I love my family so much.  I am so grateful for days and nights of spontaneous fun!

Here's another shot from today!  I buzzed my boys hair for the first time ever!

These boys are just perfect for me. ♡♡♡♡

Also!  Hyrum and Paul both ran three miles today! They are awesome!  Bryan ran 2 miles twice last week, he is so incredible!

And my flowers bloomed!  Finally!

 Bryan stuck his face in a flower and shouted, "Ahhhhh! I'm being pollinated!"

Oh I've got an idea!

At times ideas spontaneously pop into my head and I can't help but follow through with the idea.  Staying home and cleaning all day was the plan.  And a good one.  And I really did plan on doing it until... well until that idea tempted me to do something WAY MORE FUN!  So I gathered up Hyrum and Jared- the other boys were with Brad in Mantua- grabbed or swimsuits, bike, running stroller, picnic lunch and sunscreen and we were off in a jiffy to Bear Lake. After the really long drive (I always think it's so close.  It's not), I ran and pushed Jared in the stroller while Hyrum biked along Bear River Blvd Trail.  We went just over 9 miles when we stopped at La Beau's for shakes.  I'm not gonna lie. It was a hard run.  That's a really long way to push a stroller.  Anyway, the shake made it worth it.  And so did hanging out at the beach for 3 hours after that!  I taught my boys the art of poop castles that I learned from my mom and we just played in the sand and shallow water collecting teeny tiny sea shells. It was beautiful and super relaxing!  And, ya know, I'm gonna be up all night cleaning. Better get on that! 

Payson Temple Open House

Yesterday I took my boys to see the beautiful Payson Temple!  I am so glad I did! I remembered the many times my parents took me to them and I gained a testimony and desire to go back to the temple.  I want so badly for my boys to have similar experiences.  Hyrum said,"I loved the celestial room the best.  I feel the closest to God that I have every felt in that room! " Paul said he felt the Holy Ghost there and he felt so happy. Bryan said he felt the spirit and Jared just loved it and wanted to go back through.  All the boys also enjoyed the fountains on the grounds there.  I couldn't keep them out of them!
Yesterday was also awesome because I got to see Chance, McKell, Allyce, Ashley and all their kids.  I love my cousins so much!  We also made the time to go visit Nikki Ivie and her family.  I love friendships that last a lifetime!

A Consequence.

I've been thinking this morning... dangerous, I know. 

 I was thinking how every morning when the alarm clock goes off at 5:20 am, I have a choice.  I can get up and exercise, or I can sleep on in.  It seems like the obvious thing to do is to get up, happy and excited to hit the roads! But at that particular moment -those few waking seconds- when the alarm just starts blaring, it isn't an easy decision.  And with all the years I have spent running and swimming and training, it hasn't gotten easier.

  I look at the crazy world we live in.  Ok, I am told, in so many different aspects in life, if you only took a walk in others shoes for a mile, you'd understand.  Well it dawned on me today, just as the sun was coming up and I had finished my workout, that no.  I don't need to walk in their shoes.  I don't need to see their perspective... I already do. Maybe, just once, they could walk in mine. Maybe we would find that it is very much the same.  Maybe the only difference is will. In a day, any one of us could choose to be fit. We could go buy a couple hundred dollars worth of the gear we need, or gym membership. But the next morning, we faced with that same decision to make when the alarm goes off.  We runners, we choose to love running.  It makes that one small choice of waking up a little easier to make. And we make that choice E V E R Y D A Y. We choose a healthy lifestyle everyday.  We choose to be fit everyday.  We choose to be healthy, choose to love it, choose to watch the beautiful sky turn from black to blues and pinks. We chose.  And as a result, we become inspired everyday.  Inspired by beauty.  Inspired by strength. Inspired by peace and serenity. And at times, inspired by God.

 Waking up is worth the consequence.

The Cure-All

I think in the shower.  It’s the perfect place to simply think as I run through the motions of washing my hair.  My thoughts have been consumed lately with a friend of mine who recently discovered he was diabetic.  He is working on getting his sugar levels under control before he goes to the doc to hear the inevitable.  Meds are no fun to be tied down to, not at 27, not ever.  He is sore from his new exercise routine and he is still trying to get over a cold, making it more difficult to drag his butt out of bed and hit the elliptical at the crack of dawn.  (He did it though!)  But I am a problem solver, which is why this occupies my mind. Not only with this friend, but with every problem- I search for answers.  My problems, his problems, all problems- there is an answer that awaits, just waiting to be discovered. Which lead to my discovery:  

RUNNING IS MY CURE-ALL.

{Power in pink!  Me and Kirsten}

  I, too, have been fighting a cold.  So yesterday, I laced my Brooks running shoes, put on all my warm winter running gear and hit the roads for 3.5 miles, beating the congestion right out of my head and snapping my body back into reality.  Did it work?  Absolutely!  Just like is has for the past 15 years!  The fresh air, taking deep breathes, waking up my muscles from the drowsiness of a cold.  I felt alive after conquering a horrific hill and opening my stride as I flew downhill to my destination.  And wow!  To spit, the schmaltzy runner spit, into the winds of Wyoming seeing it carry for so many yards is quite rewarding, I do admit.  I was a little fatigued after my wonderful run, but I felt HUMAN again. I felt free from sickness and snot. I felt rejuvenated.  Dude, I just felt so good! 

{Me and my son Hyrum}

Not just colds, running is my cure-all for so much more.  I look back at past struggles, like feeling overwhelmed.  It happens to me ALL.THE.TIME.  Some things are so out of my control, but those things seem to have so much control over me.  It drives me nuts!  Like when my husband got laid off- there was nothing I could do to get his job back.

{Super Awesome Husband Brad and me}

I am a stay at home mom- how do I find a way to replace an engineers income?  And you know what, I married a man has the courage to face this battle with his chest puffed out and do what he can to fulfill the responsibility he set for himself and not put the burden on me.  I had control over grocery budget and not buying that splendid shirt that is on clearance, but so much was out of my control.  What do I do to handle all the tension and fear and captivity of financial hardship?  I run.  It gives me something I have control over.  I control my speed.  I control my distance. My breathing.  My thoughts.  I zone out from the pattern of my pace and it becomes clear as I look out past the horizon and pray to a loving God, and hope enters my heart in the solace of a run.

{My and Hyrum running the Dam Race}

Depression, sadness, loneliness, heartache, discouragement…  Oh man, I've been through it.  Maybe not the exact same situation as everyone else, but feeling those to the core can eat me a l i v e.  I had a race planned a couple days after a wonderful cousin surprisingly passed away. 

{Chase's Funeral}

Hardest run ever.  The sadness weighed on my heart and it showed in my form.  With only a mile left in the 5k, my heart was sunken and my shoulders were tight.  I was having horrible pains in my back from getting hit by a truck when out running a couple months prior.  I felt so many bad emotions all wrapped up inside me.  I was sad that my cousin was not alive to raise his small children and pamper his beautiful wife. I was wretched that I didn't spend the time I wanted to spend with him.  As with every death, I start missing my sweet mom deeply.  

{Me and My mommy}

I was angry at the guy who naïvely ran into me.  I was mad at the cop who never issued a ticket to him for the hit and run. I was mad at the city for hiring such a cop to enforce the law. The incident replayed in my mind; seeing the "walk", entering the intersection, the weight of his truck against my left side, my hands miraculously, almost instinctively, gripping onto his grill for dear life,  hearing myself screaming and frantically wondering why he isn't looking up to see me, why he isn't stopping! The feeling in my stomach of being on a roller coaster, carried in a joltingly different direction then I was ready for, a horn honking to the right as that driver screamed from her SUV. Then he turned, finally seeing me, in the middle of his truck.  His eyes- HUGE- he obviously had no idea he hit me 10 feet ago.  His head jerked up, his hand that once lay relaxed just out his window also tensed in an upward motion.  He must have stopped long enough for me to get off his truck. The next thing I remember was his tail lights as he drove off, as I stood in the road.  Then the pain that set in after he hit me was setting in again in my back at that moment, just like every other run. The insurance and legal mess, the bills all weighting down on me.  On top of that, I hated where we lived, a small stinky apartment. I longed for a house and yard for my boys. I missed old friends.

{Murdock 17 with Carolyn}

 My heart ached for my kids who struggled finding new friends in this small town.  I was frustrated with my husband’s recent diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes. All the problems from the past year were drowning me and the recent death of my cousin Chase just dunked me deeper in the ocean of doubt and hurt.  I felt like I was being swept away in an under toe of a ruthless life. It was a bad moment.  And I was tired.  And I was running- and I wasn't feeling the love.  But running does something to me.  It gives me clarity.  And at that moment, things started to become clear. 

  From feeling like a bus was about to crash into me to realizing that I had been lifted above the imminent emotional collision.  I realized the strength I had within me.  I could get through this.  These feelings and pains weren't going to hold me down.  They weren't going to slow me down.  I've got this.  And I’m not alone.  I have a cousin in heaven, who, I felt, was cheering for me.  A mom, who not only saved me from death by guiding my hands to the grill of the Duramax diesel truck and giving me the strength to hold on, she was also there encouraging me.  I have a Savior, even Jesus Christ, who felt all I was feeling.  He knew at that moment all that was crashing down on me inside and He knew my pains.  I felt there are generations of ancestors that cared about me and shouted for joy with my accomplishments and walked, or ran, by my side in my deepest hour. Finishing that race, was like conquering Mt. Everest in my mind.

 Not only did I conquer my 5k that day, I conquered a lot of anger and depression and doubt, and came off a finisher of faith. My perspective might seem crazy to 99.9% of the human race, but I am a believer.  And a runner.

{Carolyn -bff- and me}

Days when I feel down on myself, like I don’t measure up or looking in the mirror makes me want to cry, I run.  It gives me a boost, just like kale in my Jamba Juice Smoothie.  It gives me some confidence and clarity- that I can handle this and it’s gonna be ok!

{Did I say 4? I meant 5 crazy boys}

As a mom of four boys, it’s crazy.  I love it!  But some days- like when my two year old discovers how seriously cool it is to whip it out and pee on a basketball in the middle of a gym in front of a crowd of people, I might feel like a break would be nice.  So I run.

{Bryan}

I run with my boys when they had a bad day- it gives us one on one time to talk it over and figure out what really matters. 

{Finishing the Utah Valley Marathon with Kirstin}

I run for good health.  I have energy and endurance because I run.  Type 2 diabetes- eat my dust!

{Ina -running partner from 15 years ago and bff-, Me, Hyrum and Maegan -Super awesome SIL-}

I run when I’m happy- those are my best runs. I always feel overjoyed with love for God, the beauty of nature, the laughter of friends and my amazing ability to spit so far (just keepin’ it real).

{High school running partners}

I run with so many of my greatest friends.  They are some of our best times together.  Runs become an adventure!  An outlet.  A battery recharger. And it fulfills my need for thrills!  Thank goodness!

{Kirstin and I before we started a marathon}

Running is so much a part of my life and who I am.

{Cross Country photo 15 yrs old}

Obstacles have come in my running vocation.  I passed out a number of times as a youth, and thought I would never be able to run again.  Later I realized it was because emotionally I was going through so much dealing with my mom having terminal cancer, my body would just give out.  

{My mom and Hyrum a few months before she died}

I have had 4 c-sections to come back from, knee problems, stress fractures, shin splints, toe nails ripped off, hip flexor problems, and that constant battle scar pain from that Duramax ever looming in my upper back.  I've worked through it, treated my injuries and continued on my path.  Life is full of obstacles, just because my cure-all has obstacles doesn't mean I give up.

{Carolyn and me}

Running has taught me to not give up, not when you’re conquering a marathon, not when you’re conquering a trial.

{We just needed to sit after the marathon- cause sometimes after a Marathon or trial, you need a rest}

I will never hesitate to say I am a runner.  I may not run 50+ miles a week every week.  Heck, last week it was only 3, but to the epicenter of my sole, I have the heart of a runner, the determination of a runner, the adventure of a runner.  And people hate me for it, I get that.  And as a runner and a child of God, I can handle that and anything else thrown at me.  I have Heavenly Father and my reliable cure-all that sets me straight.  I know what matters, and if I start to question that, I am only 3 to 26.2 miles away from having it figured out.

Running isn't easy.  But running sure makes my life a heck of a lot easier. 

All things bright and beautiful

So many wonderful things have been happening!

In October we moved into a beautiful home. The longer I live here, the more I realize that this home has everything I have ever dreamed of! Big kitchen, huge master bath area, large lot, beautiful view, a run-around, an open stair case, an unfinished basement, our house looks smaller on the outside and is pretty big on the inside- just like I always wanted♡ The neighborhood is great from what I can tell.  We are all hibernating for the winter it seems ;). We love our new ward and every week I feel a little more adjusted.

The kids are so happy here! It's amazing how much changes by one simple move.  Our hearts were so heavy in the apartments.  It was a harsh environment.  We met lots of nice people in that ward and had a lot of learning and growing take place. 

The boys were Phineas (Paul), Ferb (Hyrum), Perry the platypus (Bryan) and Doofenshmirts (Jared) for Halloween.  They were adorable.  I spent way to much time on their costumes. 

 Thanksgiving was with the Millers on the Saturday before and with the Baxter's on Thanksgiving Day at Cindy's. It was fun and yummy as always. 

Paul was baptized on Hyrum's 10th birthday! It was so awesome! One remarkable thing was that Paul kept his eyes open the whole time! He said everything looked blue while he was being baptized! He was so happy! We had many family members travel to come.  We are so grateful for their love and support!

Christmas was amazing! We stayed home all day for the first time ever! It was truely amazing! I love our new life here! I would have never guessed life could change so fast for the better! I am so grateful for all those that have helped and supported us to get us to where we are! Life is so bright and beautiful! 

Busy Fun Weekend!

Saturday was Spent at Swiss days with Michelle, Brigham, Dean and Jared!

Sunday I taught with the wonderful beautiful Alli for the last time.

This is most of our awesome class

Monday was spent in my home town.  Jared, Hyrum and I went canoeing and Paul and Bryan went for wheeling with my dad and Paula! What a fun weekend!